The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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