I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
