How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
