dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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