I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
