I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
