The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
