I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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