you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
