I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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