you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
