You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
