I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes