I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?