If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.