Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
