Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
