He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want to make out with him forever
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
