okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
