I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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