That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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