When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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