It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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