she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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