i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
