tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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