So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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