So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're a waste of cheezeits
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
