its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
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So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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