Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
