is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
