Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize