I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
