my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
