I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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