3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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