Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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