These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
