if you like me you must not know who I am
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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