The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
