Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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