Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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