..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
