so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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