Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
