wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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