I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
