i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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