I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
