I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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