I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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