My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
