so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
