She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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