i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
