i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
