There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
