I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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