I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
