Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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