k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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