I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
