i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
