I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He has the fingertips of a God
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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