I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
