this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
