Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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