so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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