Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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