u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
