Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
