he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
